Normally I’m banned from top level posting on Reddit but my comms overseer Riot Aether is sick of all these terrible April Fools posts so here I am while he’s not looking :D
So you know how League’s gameplay is built around counterplay, positive player interactions, teamwork, and interactive moments and all that shit? I just want to run around and cut stuff up (brain off chimp gameplay is my ideal). And League’s like "no, you have to think." Fuck you League of Legends.
Last Tuesday I was playing solo queue and got autofilled top, so I locked in Yasuo. I'm chilling and listening to my favorite VTuber (REMOVED PER LEGAL) and the enemy Darius just kills me at level 1?! I'm fuming. I’m playing Yasuo, a character with skill, and this guy just right clicks on me from a bush that I walked into, and like, what the hell is that?? Why did we even buff him this week? And Darius isn't even the only one.
Just look at Illaoi, like that's a character that can 1v5 just because she presses R? Yasuo can't even Wind Wall anything she does, where's my counterplay Riot?
How on God’s green earth am I supposed to deal with Cho’Gath? I just DON’T deal damage to him and even when I build BOTRK and LDR, whenever I walk up to him he just deals 100000000 damage with his E and presses R and I'm dead. Who the hell even plays this dog role and actually likes it? I swear the only reason top still exists is because 30% of players are masochists.
I'm just so fucking exhausted. Every game I don't get autofilled top I get massive leads but I know that BarackProbama on the Competitive team hates my guts and is autofilling me whenever I'm about to get out of Plat 4. He’s probably sitting over on his nice fancy Herman-Miller chair laughing his ass off every time I get that little red fucking demotion warning triangle thing. What makes it so much worse is that he’s an Ezreal player.
Don’t even get me started on that champ. Any time he's on my team he's USELESS and just stands in the back missing his Qs. I literally ban him every time because I don't want my ADC to play that champion. But whenever I play against him it's like I'm against Uzi. He lands every Q, he E's in to secure kills. He's a menace.
The cherry on top is Ezreal’s also an absolute fucking balancing nightmare. Every god damned season he has some build that just makes him soooo strong and we have to do backflips to make him not a tank. I loathe Ezreal with every fiber of my being and nobody can take that away from me.
Speaking of balancing nightmares, I'm entirely and truly sick of reworking Ryze. A member of the Blue Man Group with a big L on his forehead takes over pro play like every other year and I just can't any more. We're going to rework his kit AT LEAST three more times before we give him another full VGU and if it's ONLY three times that'd be a blessing and a half.
Sometimes I just want to call it quits, retire to Texas like all the other Californians, and write sensual Shaco fanfiction so at least he has some lore. But damn the sweet call of solo queue is just too strong. Maybe I’ll just log in for a solo queue game tonight, this god forsaken game is just too fun.
P.S. Stop asking me for a gun buddy. I DON’T EVEN WORK ON VALORANT. Can we go back to people asking if I was a janitor or telling me not to nerf their champ after I get solo killed for the 6th time.
