kon9879

I understand his legit point. Why is it necessary to be LGBT to play together? I am straight and I couldn't care less if my DuoQ partner is Gay, Straight, Lesbian etc. because what I care about is his performance ingame and his personality, not his sexuality. As an example, if I were an archer, would it be necessary for my DuoQ to be an archer? Not really.

I'll try to share my POV to see if it might help you understand more that type of request... I do think your question and reaction is legit, at first, it can seem odd, so I'll try to see if I can give you my POV to make you see what it feels like on the other side of the fence.

As mentioned above, LGBT folks share a defining factor that deeply connect them together, because they share similar life reality growing up and what not. It makes LGBT folks not better, but like you wouldn't know what it likes to grow up in India, if you were born in America, not being LGBT prevents you from connecting at that deep root experience level. (I wouldn't know what it is like to grow up as a straight guy and I won't pretend)

That being said, it doesn't prevent everyone to play together, it is actually encouraged. But the request here is not about finding "players to duoQ", what he's actually asking is finding a group of people with whom that person can bond and connect with that play league of legends.

i.e. in real life, I go to straight bars with my friends all the time, but sometimes, I just want to go out in LGBT bars with my LGBT friends, because it's a whole different experience. NOT BETTER, just a different kind of vibe/night/atmosphere.

See it this way, you can make new friends all across america, but you probably instantly connect better when you end up playing with a person who's from your town/city/state, and you can make jokes that are close to your own life experience.

Again, it's not about seeing this as "I can't play with those players, I want to boxed myself in", it's really just a matter of "I want to play my favorite game and bond on a more personal level (not game level), with a group of people that share similar life story.

I'll play with ya!

Nighthawk4800

Yes something things that are happening to gay people around the world is fucked up I’m not gonna deny that. But you saying the world is being build around heterosexuals is simply unfair. Everyone has their struggles and I’m sorry if anyone has ever harassed you for your sexuality those people are literal human scum but your struggles may but do not definitely out way others people struggles so you saying “the world is built around heterosexuals” is simply unfair.

Nighthawk, one thing for sure is, someone calling their struggle doesn't diminished yours.
Any struggle is a struggle, you can't put them on a scale.

However, human sharing common struggles like to connect together, because, for me, it helps me not feel alone within my ecosystem.

I.e. I will never be able to understand truly, I can empathize, but understand truly what it is like to go through loosing your kid, I'm not a parent, I will never be able to understand that. Clearly a struggle, clearly parents that went through the same thing connecting is a powerful thing for them to share and a way to cope and be better on the other side.

Again, people wanting to connect around who they are, part of their identity or their struggle is not a matter of exclusion, but a matter of survival, coping, celebrating whatever they need, that can emerge from that specific group of peers that walked their shoes as well.

kon9879

Thanks for the reply! I really appreciate it hearing it from someone who obviously has experience with that topic. If he wants to meet new players who are LGBTQA+ I'm totally fine with that, and like you said, it's even greater if they have the same interests (LoL). It just seemed like he does not even consider playing with someone not associating with LGBTQA+ , just because they don't have the same "experience" as them, instead of learning new things from them. I really liked your response and I am able to comprehend now why someone would want to join this kind of community.

Glad it was useful :)

Just remember, what "seems" like is often just our biased POV on something, if you ask for some more details, you usually open yourself to a whole new world of understanding :).

Cheers!

Darius_Garland

People need to stop clinging to an "identity" and be individuals. Huge problem with this world.

We are individual because we express who we are? Only when you truly embrace the multiple layers of your identity you can be your own individual self?

I think what you meant was maybe "people need to stop clinging in sub group/clans/etc"? I hear you, I think, ultimately, we are all humans and need to act at a global level, but being inclusive shouldn't mean being "normalized" to all be the same.

Renozoki

How am I dragging down gay players? YOU are the one saying all gays are the same lol.

No, when questioned your reasoning for trying to segregate yourself, the reason you yourself gave puts all gays in a small, closed group of people that all think like you because they are gay.

Also, there are many things that pertain to gay culture that are relateable among members. I am not pushing any perspective, simply asking if there are other players who are involved in communities.

And that's fine. But how long can you possibly talk about just those things?

This is especially useful in a game like league where there are so many toxic players that tend to be close-minded bigots.

With probably over 1-2k hours put into league the topic of my sexuality seems to rarely come up, and somehow none of the people I play with know I'm dating a black girl. Perhaps because her skin color doesn't define my personality, and I don't feel the need to tell everyone I talk to about it, they somehow don't know about it.

If you have issues with this post, or you do not know of or care for being in an LGTQIA+ group, then why not move on? Your frustration and lack of empathy isn't helping the matter, and is in fact showing your own hatred.

I have no empathy for idiots trying to directly cause the exact sepration the original members of their community fought and died to stop. Request and threads like this are inherently stupid.

Renozoki, I would say, let other gay players actually assess if comatorium post/saying is degrading or not to them.
You are trying to talk on behalf of a really huge group here...

What is said here is that he wanted to connect with people that are both LGBT+ and care for League of Legends. That's all.

And yes, being gay defines who I am; being part of a minority groups impact a lot of things (you can read a lot of development studies/books on the topics). It might not prescribe anything in what I will become in my life, but being gay certainly defines who I am as an individual.

See it differently... Would you have been offended if the request was "looking for people who speaks French on NA server?", because I feel it would be easier for me to speak in my native language?

Ultimately, comatorium wants to connect with players with whom he can connect on a deeper level than just League, it's causing you no harms in any way, having zero impact on what you are doing right now, why preventing someone from wanting to connect with people just because feel you disagree? Ultimately, it's not about you, it's about him finding what he's looking for... not sure why you care so much about preventing someone from being happier?

SwigNation

I'm not the one getting upset over it. I'm just saying that it's good to find friends with a variety of view points. My response is nothing to get defensive over. I'm just saying there is no reason to pinpoint a single community when there are plenty of good people to converse with that you can just find in game.

SwigNation, you assume there is no reason to pinpoint a single community... yet, if he's asking for it, its because he feels there is a need.

On that note, no one holds the truth, but why don't you just try to understand where he's coming from rather than convincing him that he doesn't know what he wants? I think we can assume we are all grown ups with good intentions here and we all want to connect with human beings with whom we have affinity. He's just trying to find his group.

Are you part of any kind of minority? Were you always passionate about something that no one else around you cared for? Didn't it feel good when you could actually find someone else who walked those shoes with whom you could connect with? It didn't mean that person was better or that the relationships would be of greater quality, but it definitely felt good to be able to, for a second, feel like someone else knew what you were going through.

I think, that's all he's wanting and there is no question here about every players being awesome, he just wants to connect with people that he shares commonalities with. Nothing wrong with that.

SwigNation

Thanks for playing the middle ground I guess???? You act like I don't understand why he wants to be a part of a group of like minded players. You felt the need to go into emotional detail the reason as to why said person is searching for like minded players. I understand all of this completely fine. However moving away from your comfort zone should not be viewed as negative. It's fine that he wants to find these people he can level with and relate to , however not finding them should not be viewed in a negative light. Every single game there are 9 individuals in which you can search for and have conversation with. You can build healthy friendly relationships with these people and it is guaranteed that at some point in that environment, he will come across another player with similar viewpoints. Not to mention a much stronger bond can be created with these people in a random environment. It's like walking into a house party full of people you don't know or really get along with and then finding the one individual there that you can level with. That bond is far superior than walking into a room full of people who think the same. There is nothing wrong with sticking inside your comfort environment, in fact it can be quite fruitful. However, the richer spoils lie shrouded behind the adventure that is the variety of solo queue.

So, I don't disagree with your statements, but I also don't think they are mutually exclusive nor being able to comparative.

Btw, he's not looking for people with similar view points (view points as takes on politics, what,s good or bad, etc.) but just people that had a similar walk of life.

I don't think any kind of relationships is defined by how much they have in common... however, there is research on inter-cultural relations, as how enriching they can be (can be is highlighted), but how much more efforts and patience are required because you have to build a lot of common/shared pool of knowledge to be able to communicate on the same ground.

So yes, I strive and love to be put with people that are completely different than me, it helps me learn and discover new things. But, sometimes, I also need to be with people with whom I don't have to explain how I feel on certain topics, because they innately understands.

That's my whole point, one is not better than the other, both of them answer different type of needs and leads you to experience human bonding differently... Why try to tell him that what he's longing for is wrong? Him trying to find his peers has no impact on your life, so why feeling the urge to come with a binary "no that's wrong, this is better" on a topic, that to be honest, no one holds the truth?

Renozoki

Renozoki, I would say, let other gay players actually assess if comatorium post/saying is degrading or not to them. You are trying to talk on behalf of a really huge group here...

No, op is trying to talk on behalf of an entire group, heavily implying that gays are all as closed minded as him.

What is said here is that he wanted to connect with people that are both LGBT+ and care for League of Legends. That's all.

Whenever a situation like this pops up, replace the group with white or straight people and see how that makes you feel. If the idea of someone making a thread asking for only straight people to play together sounds even the least bit not ok, this isn't ok either.

And yes, being gay defines who I am; being part of a minority groups impact a lot of things (you can read a lot of development studies/books on the topics). It might not prescribe anything in what I will become in my life, but being gay certainly defines who I am as an individual.

What do those books say about people trying to exclusively talk to people in their minority groups, to the extent of even avoiding others virtually. And I'm truly sorry that you are so uninteresting as a person that your sexuality means anything other than what private parts you like attached to your partners. Hopefully as being lgbtq becomes less and less a big deal people like you stop using it as an excuse to sound interesting. It's the same thing with those people that wear nothing but limited edition shoes and supreme, unintersting people desperately clinging to something that can make them stand out.

See it differently... Would you have been offended if the request was "looking for people who speaks French on NA server?", because I feel it would be easier for me to speak in my native language?

You are implying that the divide between gays vs straight people is anywhere near the divide a language barrier creates? Sorry but no.

Ultimately, comatorium wants to connect with players with whom he can connect on a deeper level than just League, it's causing you no harms in any way, having zero impact on what you are doing right now, why preventing someone from wanting to connect with people just because feel you disagree? Ultimately, it's not about you, it's about him finding what he's looking for... not sure why you care so much about preventing someone from being happier?

Because it's pathetic, almost sad, to see people regressing and intentionally trying to create division.

Renozoki, I like the passion in the topic, I think you highlighted something interesting. You want me to replace it with "looking to play with str8 people" and how it would make me feel?

Actually, it wouldn't really make me feel anything. Everyone has the right to associate with whoever they want. There is a difference between "I refuse to let "X" people exist in my society" and "I would like to connect with "X" people in society".

Also, there is books and research that highlights how being part of a minority (culture, language, skin color, sexual orientations and whatnot) and how it impacts people's personal, emotional development.

For example, a lot of LGBT+ people don't start to have actually "romantic" types of relationships as early as heterosexual people. As of, heterosexual might explore "connecting romantically" when they are young, most LGBT+ folks might explore it later when they are in their late teens/early twenties. At this point, their emotional development is being the self-awareness and maturity level which creates specific internal struggles.

Now, do I say that's the case for everyone, every LGBT people? Nope, I can't affirm that. However, what I can say is that minorities will have specific life struggles that are not shared by members of the majority. It is just what it is.

Now, if you look back at your whole answer, what you are arguing is that this person doesn't need to find LGBT+ people, that it's creating division and that person should just mix with the rest of players... When, ultimately, you realized that the needs to connect with members of your tribe is that you don't feel "understood" or "listened" to by the rest of society?

So you are literally proving his whole requests... You tell that person they don't need to express who they are, it's not important... while they are literally trying to coexist with other people so they don't feel alone...

And final words, again, it's not about you... this thread is so not about you. It's about that person trying to find their happiness... who are you to come in and judge what someone needs or doesn't need since it has zero, nada, niet impact on your own life?

If you have nothing nice to contribute, you should just move along.

SwigNation

No one is being silenced lmao.. they can talk wherever they want. Sexual orientation doesnt matter when it comes to playing a video game. This user literally just offered you an easier way to your solution and you shot him down and told him that you would rather take the hard way by asking a community that really isnt that interested in your search criteria. We are here to play League of Legends and have discussions, not shun people when they provide a response. If people want to talk, they will talk and not a single person is stopping them from it other than their own.

"This user literally just offered you an easier way to your solution and you shot him down and told him that you would rather take the hard way by asking a community that really isnt that interested in your search criteria. "

You say "a community that really isn't that interested in your search criteria... "
If comatorium is part of the league community and is looking to connect at that level, that means you can't claim unequivocally that the whole community ain't interested in that search criteria.
Also, the probability that comatorium is the only one with that need out of millions of player is doubtful... See it this way, if one person in the room is asking, there is probably a lot of people in the room that has been thinking about it.

Finally, there is multiple reasons, ALL valid, to play video games. Some it's to blow up stress, some it's to achieve greatness, some is to stay connected with friends that live now apart because of college, etc... I don't think there is one size fit all; so therefore, who you are looking for to connect with while you play video games as a millions of different answers to it...

You might not have that need, but that doesn't make it an irrelevant need.

Maybe if you would ask that person why he feels this way, what he's trying to accomplish, what makes this important to him; you might actually learn something new. Try to walks his shoes for a while, let's see what you learn.